Floors underneath our feet are crumbling

Sigh, everyone around me's constantly changing. For the better. Me? Lazying my ass around doing nothing. A random post here cos I doubt I'd even have the cheek to share my thoughts about it with someone, and getting back the same advice. I am serious about me not having any changes. It's like if you compare my secondary photos and my current ones, you'd say "WOAH, you forever no change one sia!" Well, that's what I get everytime I show my new friends my past photos.

A train of thoughts about changing my image totally starts from dieting. I mean, to look good and feel good, don't I have to change my image? And having said to change my image, don't I have to go on dieting before I can change it? It's just a cycle.

Been 3.5 years since I left secondary school. People by then, would've looked mature, pretty, and everything. Me? Nothing's changed. But of course I can't deny the fact that I am sort of happy cos at least I don't look as old as my age. Besides this point, I really can't find something that I can comprehend with.

This determination in me isn't deep. And when I mean deep, it's really those "I will do it despite any circumstances". No, it's ain't this case. For me, I'd forever be living in my own world, thinking about going for a jog as early as 5am, where not many people will be there to judge. Oh wow. Well thought right? Bullshit. All these thoughts only appears before sleep. Lord knows well that I am a lazy bum. A super lazy one. I'd usually wake up as late as 1 (weekends during schooling days). How am I gonna wake up at 5? Waking up is already a problem. Needless to say? Yes, the irony fact was having a park right next to my flat. If you get what I mean.

I know there are also many girls, much bigger size than me having no issues with dressing up, and loving their body more than another other girls does. These people, I admire. But I really cannot stand the fact that society judges. I'd feel so insecure when I'm wearing a slightly shorter sleeve shirt. How bout those girls, strutting down town with short skirts, and sleeveless tops, with heavy makeup. WOW. I just can't do it.

Like I mention, I'm a lazy bum. School and money means the most now. But if you think I ain't putting in much effort, let me say this, I've been trying to cut down my dinner intake. No rice, but veg. Yah, but ain't seeing any effects. Side effects got luh. Gained 1 kg. Determined to get that 1 kg down. First. HAHAHA.

FYI, this had got me thinking so much as you can see above cos I've just read a blog about someone who does everything in order to lose weight. Sigh. Sometimes you gain some, you lose some. Enough of ranting. Time to do some work. AFA ICA's tmr and I've yet to study. Wish me luck. I'll be back!